“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” – L.R. Knost

Today was Father’s Day. The first one without my dad. I woke up early this morning and had made the conscious decision to stay off social media as best as possible. It is one of those things we have come so accustom to in life, the act of sharing our lives with people we know, and people we don’t. In other years, I would share my own photos, like everyone else’s in my feed and follow along with everyone’s festivities of the day, and gratitude for the dad(s) in their lives.

Today I found myself messaging several of my personal connections who have also lost dad’s since last Father’s Day. There are a lot of people in my life that have lost parents this year, and many have lost dads. I also received lots of messages of love and kindness, and I will always be grateful to those who have reached out today and in the past seven months.

For me, I chose to spend the day with my mom and my aunt out of the city, and as best as possible, off my phone. We drove to Elora, walked around the town and then went to a park where we had a picnic. It was wonderful, my dad always wanted to eat outside. When we had our house, he would always champion for summer meals to be outdoors, but my mother usually won that battle and we ate inside. Today, being in the park, was quiet, reflecting and so peaceful. We laughed and talked about my dad’s 75 birthday in 2020 being in the park across from my condo and being kicked out of the park because it was closed due to Covid. It was only four years ago, but yet, feels like a lifetime ago.

We are more than half way through the ‘year of firsts’. People in your life try their best to say how it feels as you go through these days, but honestly, I wouldn’t really give anyone advice about how it feels, because it is different for everyone. You do your best to go through the motions and movements, but basically, it sucks. The person you love, isn’t here. There is no way around that, you need to go through it to get through it.

For anyone who is reading this who also had their first Father’s Day without their dad, you are in my thoughts. May we all continue to move through this part of life with grace and gratitude. Grief is the price of love and the harder the grief, the deeper the love.

Sending you light and love,

Lisa