In February 2009 I had a car accident. I remember before the accident looking at the highway sign and knowing where I was when it happened. About nine months later while in a therapy session, my doctor knew I had not driven on that piece of highway. The answer was no. It was a sunny fall day, much like today and he told me that I should go and drive on that stretch of road.

I didn’t tell anyone, but off I went. Drove up to Stouffville and just as I was about to get on the 404 Black Eyed Peas I’ve got a feeling came on the radio. Feel good song seemed to work with the timing. As I drove on the highway I passed the sign I looked back in the rear view mirror. I remember thinking literally and figuratively that this part of the story is now behind me. In my rear view. It did take time to mentally recover from the accident, but actually doing the drive put some real distance between the event and the process towards moving forward.

Heath lived in a very small town in rural Oklahoma. For someone who has always lived in a big city, Wanette Oklahoma is as far away from a big city as you can get. But Heath loved it and was proud of his home town. It is about an hours drive from the city to his town. Most nights we would spend his drive home on the phone. Conversation consisted of mundane things mostly about what we did during the day, work, etc. Because he had to drive to any given town in his area to get anything done it usually involved places on the road between here and there.

After the weekend in Oklahoma city we were on the road back to Dallas to come home. I was sitting in the front seat and as we drove by the highway signs, we passed all the familiar places, Ada, Norman, Pauls Valley and more. I was quietly thinking about all the conversations we had about living where Heath lived. As each town sign passed by me I was very aware that this would most likely be the last time I am in this area. There was a finality to the car ride, the weekend and part of my grief process.

When I arrived at Dallas airport and said goodbye to my friends I went inside to check in and it really hit me. This is part of the closure process. It was true. When I booked my ticket to go I had four weeks. Then three, then it was here. Then it was done.

Much like my car accident, celebrating Heath’s birthday and life is now part of my rear view mirror. It took a couple of weeks to get back to the healing place I was in before I left for Oklahoma. Checking in your rear view mirror gives you perspective while driving, keeping you safe and making sure you are taking care while driving. Same thing applies during grief, you can reference your past and the memories and experiences you shared with your loved one, all the while helping you work through what you need to be safe and taking care of while you heal.

Keep checking your rear view mirror,

Live your best life,

Lisa