To say that the last couple of months have been a challenge for me would be an understatement. More than a couple of months, since May actually. Since May up to two weeks ago, there have been seven deaths that have affected me and the friends and family around me. Yeah, I know, that is a lot.

While I appreciate that some of the folks were my parents generation, which I do not consider ‘older’.  The age ranges are as diverse as the people who are no longer with us. All of them had medical issues. I think that is something to take a pause. There are obvious medical issues, perhaps being in hospital and then there are the invisible medical issues, that you can’t see, but are lying there, just under the surface, but equally as fatal. The end is the same, no matter how the game is played.

My mom reached out to one of her friends whose husband passed away. I think she phoned once and then sent an email. The friend replied that she wasn’t talking to people on the phone just yet. This happened in mid July. Within a few weeks I understood what she meant on a whole other level.

As I have discussed in previous posts, I am struggling with the concept of time. I know that every 24 hours I am another day through this process, but there are parts of every day where it feels like I am frozen and cannot figure out how to navigate the pathway forward.

A friend sent me a message today, and it started with “Hello my dear friend….how are you doing”. It is such a hard question to answer. The words no longer flow with ease. Every sentence is a process to ensure that I can answer without getting emotional. Thankfully this question was asked via message so I can type the words. It is hard to speak the words.

I answered in this message that grief is lonely. It is exactly that. I told my mom the other day that when I am in my apartment, puttering around, listening to music or the white noise of the tv in the background I am okay. That I understood why her friend isn’t ready to talk.

I will tell you, even when the words are hard to find, there is something wonderful in the people that check in on you. A simple text, email or private message really helps the long days. I know that not everyone knows what to say.  I know that makes it hard to pick up the phone or send the texts or private Facebook message.  If you are thinking should I or shouldn’t I, I would ALWAYS say, you should. Even if you don’t know what to say. Heck, I don’t even know what to say. It sucks in every way possible.

And it going to suck, for a very very long time.

Those are all the words I have for now.

Live your best life,

Lisa