Grief is a fingerprint. No two are the same.
In my life I have lost all my grandparents and one friend Aviva. Now two friends. Not one of these passings is the same. The love I felt for my grandparents is different than the love for Aviva. The love for Heath is different than the one for Aviva.
Everyone has been saying that you go through “this” in your own time and in your own way. This I understand. For the past two weeks I have been having many meaningful conversations with many different people. Taking lessons from each one. At the end of day, when I am at home in my house I still want to just send Heath a message – U home? That would result in my phone ringing within seconds.
Yesterday I would have told him about the co-worker that made time in his day for a walk and talk coffee. His first words as we started walking, “Tell me about Heath”. For the next hour we spent talking about Heath, our friendship, hopes, plans. We talked about Kenya.
I talked the other day about time and how I am feeling about time. I can’t imagine today going to Kenya. But the trip is five months away. As hard as that is to even imagine, I will get on a plane and get to Kenya. We talked about how I could honour Heath in Kenya and share my experience with him in spirit since he will not be with me in the present. By my side, I believe he will be there, but I can’t feel that right now.
Today all I can think about is that he is not here. It pisses me off actually, since I know if he were here he would be helping me work out my feelings about this.
In the past three months I attended four funerals. After each one, we talked. We talked about the person, and he always had a helping thought to allow me to move through how I was feeling so that I could not ‘live in that space’ for too long.
Live in this space for too long. This is what I need to focus on. There is no textbook answer on how to live “in this space” as each person lives in it in their own way. Like a fingerprint, each one different.
That is all I have for today.
Live your best life,
Lisa
#Heathlessons
The Lisa Chronicles 
Lisa, really enjoyed this blog today. Makes me feel that I am not the only person that grieves differently than what most people think is “the way to grieve”. Maybe each time you feel as though you want to pick up the phone and call Heath, you could make a journal just for him and talk to him the way you would have if he could still answer the phone. I don’t know if that would help, but maybe! I saw B this past weekend for a short time and we discussed a little bit about the way you are feeling and how to cope with each day…..so sorry there are just NO RULES about this subject. Love & hugs, Diana
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Diana, I really enjoy reading your thoughts and comments about my posts. I have to be honest with you, I have been writing a private journal like you said since this happened. I almost half way through the book (LOL). Never at a loss for words, they just seem to fly onto the page. You are right about many things, but the NO RULES thing is the hardest to understand and put into logical thinking.
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Good morning Lisa, I hope that you are thinking good thoughts right now. I was just wondering if your heart feels as it will explode when your mind is (constantly) on Heath. None of my business and a very personal question. I guess maybe I am trying to learn something from Heath Lessons that will be beneficial to me….kind of selfish though and Heath probably wouldn’t like that. You are so fortunate to have had him in your life. Someone you were able to talk to about any subject and get his opinion without judgement. Let me know how you are feeling and dealing with this permanent situation. Lots of love and hugs, Diana
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