Honouring a friend

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As you all know I love to write. Every time my mother reads one of my posts she tells me I need to write a book. I would love to write a book, but what would it be about? What is my story? How would I put together everything I want to say in a book? It is something I think about every single day actually.

Last night I watched the HBO documentary Everything is Copy. Written and produced by her son, Jacob Bernstein, it chronicles the story of the amazing life and legacy of Nora Ephron. If you don’t know who she is, you will need to google her, but let me drop the names, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Julie and Julia, just to name a few.

Through the documentary we learn how she changed her life from a news journalist to an extremely success screenwriter, essay writer and novelist. Using her own life as the canvas to her artwork. Poignant, funny, personally controversial at times, but genius.

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine, who happens to be a realtor, was telling me about publications that she reads that have columns that are like questions and answers about her industry.

Which was around the same time that my friend Joel passed away. Joel had an alter ego, her name was Demanda Refund. Yes, you read it correctly – Demand-A Refund. I remember when I worked at my first job at The Last Minute Club, there was a newsletter (yes, long before computers, and e-technology) and there was a column with stories written by Demanda and her answers to travel related issues. Like the “Dear Abby” of our travel company.

I haven’t been able to think about anything else but this all week. I think to honour Joel I am going to introduce Demanda to my travel blog. She is hilariously funny, her humour is off colour at times and she is not always PC (that is politically correct, not the political  party) but really does have something to teach you about the world of travel from the inside out.

Please email your travel questions or stories to yyztravelgal@gmail.com. Read and follow my blog – The Stamps in my Passport for Demanda’s column coming soon.

Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing,

Lisa

When someday soon, just isn’t soon enough

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How many times have you sent a message to someone, “when are we getting together?” or “we really should get together”? How many times have you really wanted to make an effort to make plans with someone but you never did. How  many times did you give thought to the fact that maybe you won’t get to tomorrow? You probably didn’t think about the fact that tomorrow may not come. We don’t, until something happens, like today, when something did.

Around 4pm  this afternoon I received an email from a friend of mine. The subject line  read…. “with deep sadness…We have lost a dear friend and member of our TravelBrands and Sears Family”.

As I read on to hear that my dear friend Joel Hollander passed away very suddenly yesterday. How could that be? He was just wishing my mom a Shabbat Shalom on Friday. Friday, as in two days ago. Now he is gone?

We hadn’t actually spoken live on the phone in quite some time. I haven’t worked at Travel Brands in almost 18 months but we spoken in private messages on Facebook  often. When he and Greg moved back to Ontario from Calgary to Cambridge. We never did get a chance to see each other since he was back in Ontario. One of those things, and now it will never happen.

I spent the rest of the afternoon (and now evening) reeling in the sadness of the loss of Joel. It really is a loss. A true loss. If you knew Joel, you know exactly what I mean. A good soul with a good heart.

Joel’s laugh was infectious. His sense of humour, while often very off colour to most, was very funny. You had to know how to take Joel. He was moody and often dished out attitude, but I know that I never doubted he had my back and cared about me. I know that was not just about me, as everyone I spoke to today said the same things.

My mom and I were remembering the time that we had them at our Passover Seder table when they were here in Toronto and their family was back in Calgary. Even the time when he was back in Calgary after I moved into my condo, he was here for work and I had him at the condo for dinner.

Many memories over the years. He touched many many lives. The world is much smaller than we realize. I have been on and off the phone for the last four hours. Speaking to my friends and former co-workers sharing the sad news of the day.  People wanting to reach out and share. Share in the sadness. Share in the fact that our friend is gone.

There won’t be a Shabbat Shalom photo from Joel this coming Friday. Or a photo of the rainbow banana bread, or the dogs he loved so much. Or photos voting on what bow ties we like best.

I am hopeful that our friends that loved him so much will get a chance to share some memories of our own together when Greg is ready. My heart goes out to Greg and their families as they are grieving. You are not alone. We are all there with you.

I will miss you Double J.  Your friend always, Silvergirl.

 

 

PTSD triggers

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Last weekend I was on my way to a friends house and as I was coming out of my street I came to an intersection that I go through almost daily. That particular day there was a pretty serious car accident at this intersection. T-boned car with the drivers side smashed in. Not sure where the driver was, but there police and tow trucks still on the scene. As I turned the corner I started to get tears in my eyes almost instantly.

Today on the way home from work, I was driving up Yonge street and just before Finch there it was again, smashed in car, police cars and tow trucks. Again I teared up again. You may ask why. Here it is.

I  wish I could forget the day I had my car accident on February 21, 2009, but I can’t. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it is so close to my birthday that the day just sticks out every year.

I read this quote a few months ago – “When you tell your story and it doesn’t make your cry, you know you have healed.” I can tell my story and not cry, so why am I not healed?

Well, today was a very similar kind of day that it was on that day, warm, sun shining, almost spring like already. I was up in Aurora visiting my friend and her family and we were out and about with the sun shining in our eyes. Somewhere between the sun shining and nightfall a blizzard started. Such a bad blizzard and I had to get home from Aurora.

Most of you already know the story, about ending up upside down in a ditch off the 404. Calling my mom while hanging upside still in my seat belt to tell her that I had been in an accident. Lots more to the story but that is not the point right now.

I think the point is that even with the craziness that was my accident, I survived. Other than some nerve damage in my left arm, only scars are the ones in my brain. The ones that keep remember this day every year.

I look at the t-bone from last week and think to myself, thank G-d I was the only one involved. Thankfully that as I was spinning out of control I didn’t hit another car, or a guardrail or worse. Thankfully I had a guardian angel that night who was there to take care of me.

After five years I thought I would be over it. That was when my car financing was up and when I paid my car off I thought good it is no longer attached to that date. Not so much.

Maybe next year. Maybe.