20 Seconds of Courage

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torahFor the past two years I have been celebrating the High Holidays at Beit Rayim Synagogue. It was the first time that our family attended services together, which made the experience extra special.

When it is time to take out the Torah’s for the Torah portion of the service,  Rabbi Zionce has a special method for the fifth Aliyah of the service. For the other honours they are done in the Shule by a lottery system so more people can have the honour of the prayer. He saves one for someone in the sanctuary, maybe a new member, non-member, newly Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

I watched the crowd of about 1500 people on the first day and how people seemed shy to volunteer for the honour. Someone finally did and the service continued.

The second day when it came time to ask for volunteers, I found myself throwing up my hand. The Rabbi looked over at me and said sold to you, come up to the front seats. I think I shocked my mom (myself as well) but there I was, committed to being the fifth Torah honour that day.

Each time the prayers were read by the people ahead of me I said them as well awaiting my turn. I was working through the melody in my head thinking that I am not just saying to myself at my seat but to the whole congregation. I admit I was pretty terrified but what could I do, I had committed to it. When it was my turn I went up to the centre of the auditorium and kissed the Torah with the Cantor’s tallit and began to sing the blessings. Before I knew it, it was over. The fear before stepping up to the ‘stage’ was gone and out came my voice. I couldn’t really hear myself but my mom said it was a beautiful voice.

I walked back to my seat with my family. My mom smiled at me and gave me a hug and kiss. She was so surprised that I volunteered. I remember a scene in the movie We Bought a Zoo where the dad is telling his son that all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and that is exactly the way it felt.

I know that my niece will become a Bat Mitzvah this coming February. I will be beaming along with her family and friends as she celebrates this special milestone in her life. Maybe I will have another opportunity to be blessed with the honour that was bestowed upon me this past Rosh Hashana.

 

Never forgotten

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av1I was at work on a Sunday this past March when I got the email from my friend that my dear friend Joel died suddenly the night before. I remember how I felt, like someone had punched me in the stomach. Like I had been here before. I had.

I felt the same way 12 years ago today. Sitting at breakfast at my parents house when we got the call from my brother that Aviva had died. That same feeling. Hearing my mother on the phone yelling no, and how could this be.

As I am sitting here staring at the screen I am thinking about both Joel and Aviva and  how many similarities I can find of their spirits. Both taken from us way too soon.

Larger than life personality – There is a presence that some people have when the walk into a room, people take notice. I know that could be said of Aviva as I was witness to it many times. I will tell you I was often in awe of her and her presence. Joel was the same way at work. Even when he lived in Calgary and we had web calls with him, his personality jumped through the phone.

Big Laughs – Both Joel and Aviva had infectious laughs. Even if you were at the other side of the room, you could hear their laughter.

Big Hearts – both of them had a deep rooted love for their roots. I know that Aviva did volunteer work in Guelph and Joel’s long lasting memories are sharing Shabbat photos every Friday wishing his friends and family Shabbat Shalom. Greg has carried on that tradition and even though it makes me sad to know he isn’t here any more, it is comforting to know that his memory does live on in the photos and the gesture of the good wishes.

I think I said this last year but I think my eldest niece and Aviva would have been great buddies. She too is a large presence, funny, great laugh and a wise mind. I watched my niece at camp a few weeks ago and was in awe of her spirit as well. I can’t wait to see what is in store for her as she moves forward in her life.

I will give some thought and pause today and remember Aviva and the lasting impression she had on my life. It is a spark that I don’t think will ever be extinguished.

Love you and miss you V,

Lisa

 

 

 

 

Alphabet Gratitude Challenge – Day 5 – E

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Again we are faced with a week of horrible violence. It is not just about black lives matter, blue lives matter, but all lives matter. There is a terrible disconnect in the world today. Today is letter E in my alphabet gratitude challenge. My word of the day is Empathy.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Empathy as “the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else’s feelings”.

What does that really mean exactly? I am starting to wonder if we are just becoming immune to what is going on around us and what we can do about it. I am just sad today.

I am an empathetic person. I care about people around me. I give food to the homeless man on the street near my house. I pay it forward in the drive through line at Tim Hortons. I called 911 in the spring when a man was wandering around the streets near Wilmington in his underwear. I get it. All lives matter.

We keep putting words in front of the real facts that these are people – they could be people watching a concert in Paris, in an airport in Istanbul, in a gay nightclub in Orlando, in your bedroom in Israel, in your car in Israel, a café in Israel, your car in the United States (land of the free remember), at a peaceful rally in Dallas. At the end of the day these are lives, human beings, just like you and I.

I mentioned this before on my Facebook page – three days after Orlando I was in my car coming home from a show at Princess of Wales. Stopped in the entertainment district at a red light, in my car. Groups of people on the street to my left, groups of people on the street to my right. At any moment I could become a victim. A victim of random (or not so) acts of violence. It just all seemed too real that this is what the world we live in today is about – time and place. Innocent and not so much. Is this the new world we live in? I suppose it is. I don’t like it.

If you light Shabbat Candles tonight let’s add some extra prayers for humanity, not just the victims of the violence of the past few days.

Alphabet Challenge day 5 – E – Empathy