Attending a funeral is never an easy thing to do. We attend out of love and respect for the person who has passed away and the family they are leaving behind. With the opporotunites of technology, many more are able to attend virtually if they are not able to attend in person.

Walking into to the chapel is daunting. Where is the right place to sit? I won’t really get to see the family so do I sit forward, back? Then you sit. You look forward at the casket and the wonderful Chevra Kadisha representative protecting your loved one. Some people are talking, but mostly it is a time of quiet reflection before the service starts.

Then you look over to the side of the room, and you know the family is in the room, also preparing in quiet reflection about what is about to happen and how their life is forever changed. It is a guarded room, the funeral home staff take great care in protecting the family before the service starts. If they let everyone that “just wanted to give a hug” to a mourner, the whole chapel would be in the room.

Your personal funeral director explains all of this to you, but you only hear half of what you are being told. But what you do hear is that if you would like someone outside of the immediate mourning family members, you need to give them a code. When they approach the room, if they give the code, they can enter the room. No code, no entry.

When my father passed away in November, we were given the code. It is a moment of levity in such a hard situation. You reach out to the few people you would like to see before the service starts and tell them the code.

I didn’t give much thought to the code back in November, but when my Uncle passed away this week, my cousin texted me and said, of course you can be (enter code here). It was then that I actually thought about the code. It was the same code as we used for my dad in November. I understand how many funerals happen each day/week/month, but I would have thought four months later, the code would be different.

When I entered the chapel on Wednesday I was looking for my mom, who was already in the family room. I saw a few people I would have liked to say hello to, but it was not the time. I approached the locked door of the family room and gave the code. I entered and was able to hug and give condolences to my family. After a few minutes, I stepped out of the room, I remember how I felt just a few short months ago and how it was a time to collect your thoughts. I was going to speak at my Uncle’s service, the same as I spoke in honour of my dad.

These two experiences, so close together, have really given me perspective on the family room. If you receive a code from a friend or family member, consider it a honour.

BTW – the code isn’t Mr. Darcy. I wanted to protect the integrity of the Funeral home and their process.

Shabbat Shalom y’all

As you know, I work for a Jewish organization. Today I was talking to a new staff member who has been at the org for three weeks. Her first day at the office was Wednesday October 11th. I can’t imagine how that must have been for her, to walk into Jewish organization right after the lows of the weekend, and then the emotional highs of the rally in support of Israel on Monday October 9th. I jokingly said to her, if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything this job is going to throw at you.

For me, it is hard to believe I will be celebrating one year in a few short weeks. I talk to my mom on the way home from work each day, catching up on the days events and I keep telling her that even though it is hard and emotional, I am grateful that I work with Jewish people. I can’t imagine what working in my previous job would be like right now. That is a conversation for another post.

We are currently having weekly town hall meetings which are very important. They are updates from senior team members on important details that applies to all areas of the organization. I wanted to share two stories from today. They are just a snippet of the conversations that are happening each day, and perhaps how you may be feeling right now or conversations you may want to have, but don’t have people to have them with.

The Enemy you know

The first story happened in the elevator on the way to the meeting. I was in the elevator and one of the managers was talking to another manager about a conversation she had with one of her friends in Israel. As they were talking about the protests around the world, the protests and the hatred, as we as the increased police and security presence in the community. The Israeli said this, “at least here we know who the enemy is, for you, the enemy could be anyone”. I am sure we have all had this thought the past few weeks. I know I have.

I had tickets to a play on Sunday, downtown at Yonge and Dundas. I drive downtown all the time, and park and walk all around the area. I didn’t know if we would encounter any uncomfortable issues on the way to the play or after it was over. The Yonge-Dundas square area was actually quieter than I thought it would be and as we walked to the car after the play we crossed through the square and I said, I thought that we may encounter something here. I am glad I was wrong.

Hang your Mezuzah proudly

There have been a lot of false stories making their way around social media. I don’t want to get into that here, but if you go to UJA’s website you will see all of the ways you can stay connected to everything in the community, as well as the phone numbers to call if you need to report anything you see. But before you report anything, make sure you check your sources.

For those who may not know, if you have ever entered a Jewish building, or a Jewish home you would notice a Mezuzah (door post) on the right side of the doorway upon entering the home, or rooms in the home. The mezuzah is the symbol that this is a Jewish home (or dwelling) and is a visible sign and symbol to all those who enter that a sense of Jewish identity and commitment exists in that household.  

The Rabbi shared a story about a conversation he had with someone in the community. The person said that someone asked him if he planned on taking his mezuzah down in fear of his home being attacked because he was Jewish. The person replied, heck no, I would like to hang two of them. I understand his point of view. We want to scream from the rooftops in outrage from our government, our universities, so many other people. We shouldn’t be surprised, yet somehow we still are.

I am open to have a conversation with you if you want to reach out to me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a place that I belong. Being in the Jewish community in a time in history that has never mattered more.

Am Israel Chai – The Jewish people yet live