Category: Uncategorized

Dear Sunshine

On By thestampsinmypassportIn Uncategorized1 Comment

July 24, 2020

Hey Sunshine,

Here we are again. This is now the second trip around the sun without you. What a crazy year this has been, that is for sure. When you hear that a lot happens in the course of a year, that is very true. I was with a friend last weekend and she thought you had been in my life for about five years and was very surprised to hear that it was less than two. Crap, you have actually been gone longer than you were in my life. That sucks.

We were talking about if we had met some of the people in our lives earlier how much longer we would have been happy. But it isn’t like that. We know you meet people when you are supposed to meet them, and they come into your life for a reason and change it. I will forever be grateful that you booked to come on that cruise at the last minute. Much like meeting someone at a black jack table, I never imagined I would get lucky in life, twice.  I am counting on you to make sure that happens again. Things happen in threes so now you have a challenge.

You tell stories like I do, so let me tell you some stories of the past year. I know when you are around so I won`t tell you what I think you already know.

Last September just before your birthday I started a new job. Yeah, the job at the charity wasn’t quite the dream job you and I thought it would be. It was hard to go, but I think you would have been proud of me and my integrity. For a long time I really thought I would go back there some day, but they are in a big heap of trouble right now, so I think the sun has set on that idea.

This was back in the travel industry…yeah, I know, you don`t have to say it, I already know what you are going to say. But this was different. Out of all the travel jobs I have had in thirty years, this was something new and exciting. This was actually customizing people`s dream trips to Europe. You know, the ones we talked about, going to the Vatican in Rome, eating gelato, pasta all over Italy, tapas in Barcelona and so much more. I was finally the artist and creator of my client’s travel canvas.

It took a while to get started, but once it did, I was on fire. For the first time in such a long time, my passion came back. Right before my birthday I actually had the courage (probably a push from you) to buy myself a freaking ticket to London. Can you believe that, I am FINALLY going to London and added Dublin to go with it. Happy birthday to me! Haha, right, you know what happened just three weeks after I bought my ticket. Yes, friggin’ covid happened. Instead of ‘cheerio merry ole England’, it was the borders are closed, the airports are shut tight and you are staying home.

You know all about the past four months. For the longest time one of the hardest parts of you being gone was not talking to you, FaceTime more than anything else. If I have to thank Covid for one thing, it would be that I have connected with people on FaceTime and it has been amazing. My two nieces have been in contact with me almost daily for the whole pandemic. I feel that just like with you, it strengthened our relationship in such a way that it didn’t matter that you were thousands of miles away. For a few friendships, for the first time ever, we connected face to face, and it was great. I wondered why we never did it before. I hope it continues long after this crazy time in our lives.

Let’s not get started on your land of the free and the home of the brave. Some nights when I am watching the crazy that is going on down there I think about us probably have very loud FaceTime conversations about the crazy. It makes me miss you even more, the way your southern “Bless your heart” charm would come out more when you talked about certain topics.

Then it is quiet. The quiet is hard, and really when I think about you the most. Like your house in Wanette. I was telling a friend recently that the first night I was there I had a hard time falling asleep because of how quiet it was. I wonder how you would have fared in shut down all these months. You wouldn’t have been making that drive to OKC each day, and picking up food on your way home. You may have starved, lol, who I am kidding…you would have bought out the dollar general store if it were opened. You would have loved being at home with Abby, as most of my friends have loved the times they have had with their dogs during the pandemic.

Much like our marathon conversations I wish this could go on forever. But here we are.

I think I will end it here with words from your college mate Kristin Chenoweth:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

Because I knew you
I have been changed
For good

 

Speaking your truth

On By thestampsinmypassportIn Uncategorized3 Comments

We are having difficult conversations. We are speaking out in a way that is long overdue. Where are we? Who are we? What is your story? How did you get here or there, and how do you want your story to be told?

I remember when people heard that I left WE they were shocked. People would say, “I thought this was the perfect job for you”, or “You finally found a great place”. I would reply very politically correct saying, it is a great place, I just didn’t have the right team to work with. I never told ‘general’ public what happened during my time there.

The truth is I was bullied in the work place. I remember the day I sat in the directors office and said the word bullied. She looked at me and said, “now that you have said that you know we have to have some different conversations”. Did we? No, we didn’t.

This person was talked to, but I knew in my heart that nothing would change and inevitably it would come down to her or me leaving the org. I knew it would be me, because this person directly reported to the top.

A long time ago, a mentor of mine was describing to me about the corporate work flow and said simply, “shit only flows one way”. It doesn’t matter what it was in reference to, but more of the point about message about treatment from the top down in a company that has a problem at the top.

While texting with another former employee of the organization that I had an ‘a-ha’ moment about how I had been treated by this employee. She was treating me the way she was being treated and wanted to ensure that I received the same message. I can’t be sure of anything, nor does it matter now, but in light of what I am hearing I can speculate.  This person said that her treatment of you is hers to own and I hope she will apologize to you someday. That won’t happen, nor do I need it to. I think that this post will be that for me. I thought I had put it behind me, but like I learned in Landmark, life has blind spots. You don’t know what you don’t know.

I asked for an exit interview. Now that I look back on it, it was a joke. The HR business partner said she would take notes for future discussions, which she took none. They were not there to support me through any of the process after I said I was bullied. On top of the hour I spoke about why I was leaving, how the department was badly managed, she thanked me for my comments, wished me well and said she would have further conversations on how to improve the team moving forward.

When my final pay was incorrect the following week later I emailed the same HRBP and was quite surprised to see that her out of office said she had transitioned out of the organization and was no longer there. So much for future conversations to make change. I did hear much later on that the department did have some changes, but nothing to do with this particular staff person. She was still there, doing her own thing and everyone just stepping out of her way. I cannot tell you how many times the words, “oh well, it is just her, you know how she is” was said to me.

I took a course last fall at Seneca on Employment Law. When we got to the chapter on workplace harassment it hit me in the face, because it happened to me. The code defines harassment as “engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct that is known or out reasonably to be known to be unwelcome”. Vexatious is defined as annoying, frustrating or irritating.  Her behavior towards me was definitely annoying, frustrating and irritating.

It is funny, I shared my story about getting the job at WE and how the song Unwritten was playing as I was there to interview and the words in the song are “today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten”. All I can say is that they will need a full re-build if they plan on coming out of this time in the organization’s life.

This is a time in our lives like we have never experienced before. There are lessons to be learned every day. I wasn’t sure I would ever want to share what happened to me and how I make the choice to choose to leave a situation that I didn’t see ever getting better. In fact, leaving was my only choice, because had I stayed, I would have become even more bullied. THAT is what I have come away with over the past few weeks and the light that has been shown.

Thank you for allowing me this platform to share this with you.

Live your best life, stay safe,

Lisa

 

 

Covid Chronicles: Retail Reality Check

On By thestampsinmypassportIn Uncategorized1 Comment

It has been three months of living la vida Covid. When this started we were in the middle of winter, which if you think about it, made the original start of the lockdown easier to manage. It was easy to stay home, not worry about bundling up, warming your car to go anywhere. There was no where to go.

Like the animals the hibernate in the winter, we are ready to come out of our caves, or in my case, my condo. I have been having an inner battle in my life (as I am sure many feel the same) about peaking my head out of the condo cave and seeing what the new world looks like. I did that yesterday and would love to share my experiences with you.

First stop: a walk with a friend in her neighbourhood. We walked for almost an hour and I commented to her that I wanted to come to her for a change of scenery. I have walked around my neighbourhood and the change was refreshing.

Second stop: decided that since I was in my work neighbourhood, I would meet a friend from work who is in the office once a week. We grabbed a coffee at our local Starbucks location which had just reopened last week. Here was my first ‘taste’ into the new world of retail. I haven’t had a drink at Starbucks since February.

As you know, there is no seating in store or on the street. We were met by an employee at the door that asked if we had placed our order yet. I asked, are we allowed in, and the answer was yes.  Every bench is blocked off and there are no chairs. Lines and arrows, Plexiglas and masks. All normal now, but still needs some getting used to. Placed our orders and we were on our way.

Had a great walk, but after being out for a few hours I had to…you guessed it, had to use the bathroom. We kept walking for a while and as we made our way back to Yonge Street I encountered the first obstacle in the new normal – using a public restroom. I know…don’t remind me why I wouldn’t want to use one in the first place, but if you are out and about, you really need to be mindful of your time, distance from home and potential need.

First stop, Tim Horton’s. I could see that the washroom door was blocked off with their tables and chairs but I thought I would ask. Employee had to get the manager, who said no. I asked a bit more urgently, still no. Moving on.

We were a couple of blocks away from the office, which would have been okay, but I thought I would go back into the Starbucks to ask them. They said no. At this point it was urgent. I begged. They VERY reluctantly said yes. Okay. done and done. Moving on.

It was a lesson. A lesson in the new normal. For those who are planning on venturing out you need to be mindful. Mindful of where you are going, how far from your home you will be, and how comfortable you would be if you were faced with this situation.

I had planned the night before with my parents to stop by the Bagel House on the way to buy some Montreal Bagels since I was in the neighbourhood. Pulled up, spot right in front. The smell of the wood burning oven wafting out the front door. Drooling (through my mask) I went inside. Waiting on my circle for my turn….I could see that the everything bagel slot was empty. I was out of luck, unless I wanted to wait an hour. I did not.

SIDE NOTE: about masks. There is one way in and one way out, and a man was coming in as I wanted to go out. He held the door for me and stepped out of the way saying, I was being respectful of the distance. To which he replied, “you are wearing a mask so you are okay.” (He was not wearing a mask).

I remembered there was another location not that far (well it wasn’t that close) so off I went to Eglinton in search of my everything bagels. Again, found a spot right in front, made my way into the store…and again…there were only four everything bagels. I bought what they had and said clearly it was not an everything bagel day for me.

Next stop, had to go to a retail store. I ordered some clothes on line and had 30 days from the time the store reopened to make returns. I didn’t really WANT to go to the store, but if I didn’t, I would lose the opportunity to return the items and get a refund.

Arrived at the store. It was strange and gave me some anxiety. I think it was the unknown that I was anxious about. I stepped in and right at the front door you have to stop and disinfect your hands. No problem. I stood at a distance and asked my questions. It was a reasonable experience. The rooms were cleaned and marked as sanitized and the only request was limit what you take into the room with you. I tried on one top for sizing and I was done.

Gave back my returns which she wouldn’t touch and they had to be put in a bin at the front of the cash. I bought a couple of tops which she wouldn’t bag for me, it was bag your own. Experience done. Would I run back to do it again, not anytime soon to be honest.

Dropped off a few things at my parents house and the last stop I made for my day out was sushi. In the past three months I have had take out food a total of TWO times. One pizza and one Chinese food delivery. Stepped into the Sushi place near my condo, ordered two items because I had anxiety and couldn’t decide what else to order. Waited outside for my food and came home.

Came upstairs, changed my clothes, washed my hands twice and took my food on the balcony and enjoyed.

What did I learn from my experiences yesterday? I learned this is a long process. Some people may not feel that way, and will adjust just fine to this new normal. I really don’t like the words new normal, there is nothing normal about this. This is just NEW. Let’s call it what it is.

Stay safe in your navigation through the new. Do what you are comfortable doing and be kind. Everyone is going through Covid but we are not all travelling on the same roads and pathways.