Where do I begin? This week has been a rough week all around. Not necessarily for me personally, but for people around me. There have been, I think at last count, six deaths and funerals this week for people that I know or through friends know. Not to mention, the death of a hamster and a dog. AND it is only Thursday.

The age ranges are huge – spanning from a 99 year old man to a 38 year old man. Opposite sides of the spectrum. I can somehow rationalize the passing of a 99 year old man, as someone who has lived a full life, but a 38 year old man? That is a life not yet lived.

During the eulogy, it was mentioned that we are not only grieving for the life lost, but for the life not lived. All the dreams not yet realized and all the experiences not yet experienced. It was so sad. This being said, this young man was a Princeton and Harvard Graduate who was working at the UN. He travelled to Congo and all over the world. He lived life, but for 38 years, it was not a long enough life.

I also realized that friendship doesn’t know about time. I sat in a row with people I knew over 25 years ago. Some I have crossed paths with over the years, others not. Some crossed paths with the friend who passed, and some came because there was at time in our lives that we were everything to each other. We all went, and were all affected by his life and his passing. At least I can speak for myself about that.

Just to elaborate on that time in our lives, it was BBYO (B’nai Brith Youth Organization) that linked all of us together. It fostered friendships that obviously last a life time, as well as a strong sense of community and your part in it. It is as true today as it was 25 years ago when I was in the program. I still have friends today from that time, and I think will be in my life in some aspect always.

As I have said over and over this year, I have been faced with my own mortality and now a friend’s mortality. It is very hard to imagine ‘what if’ or ‘what happens next’ and who knows when that time comes, what it will be like. I just know that I want to hang on to what I have right now and not let go.

I am trying to figure out if it is just my heightened awareness to Cancer and organ donation or has the television media just ran out of story lines and now they all seem to use it as a plot line. Why are TV shows choosing the “illness card” more and more?

1. Grey’s Anatomy – Izzie Stevens, well we all know her story. She was flatlined and ready for death at the season finale, but she signed her contract, is now a patient living with Cancer and no longer ‘surgical’. I suppose that is what happens after you finish treatment and you start to live a normal life again….is it?

2. Young and the Restless – this summer, they decided to give a beautiful young woman, with everything to live for Ovarian Cancer. And they did a REALLY bad job with it. They made her have surgery, and they had to give her a full hysterectomy, BUT they saved her eggs for harvesting with her husband in the future.

When she started her chemo, she decided to shave her head BEFORE the chemo even started. From what I witnessed first hand this summer, it wasn’t until about a week after the chemo was completed that hair starts to fall out. And I KNOW it is television, but this ‘patient’ looked good for a patient undergoing chemo.

3. Young and the Restless – used it again this past week. One patient was brain dead and another needed a heart. When they decided to end her life, they noted that she was an organ donor and they proceeded to give her heart to the sick patient.

4. Dr. Phil – a few weeks ago had on 8 donors and recipients that have given their kidney’s to others. It was also a subject on last years Grey’s Anatomy, but these surgeries actually happened.

5. Commercials – I just saw a commercial today about a child that received a bone marrow transplant for a rare condition that they had and now they are alive and well and thriving again.

6. Mercy – a new show, pretty good actually. The first episode was with an ‘older’ lady who had cancer and she was tired of all the treatments her kids were making her go through. She did not want any more procedures. Her nurse told her that she had a choice, and she could choose no more treatments.

7. Brothers and Sisters – now Kitty has been plagued with the cancer card. She has lymphomia, and on Sundays episode she had to undergo a bone marrow biopsy to confirm her condition. All of this is very real to me and what I have witnessed this summer.

I watch a lot of TV and a lot of them are dramas, so it comes with the territory, but the reality of life is enough for me, now it is in so much of what I watch. Sometimes too much. But, I will probably continue to watch, well…because I like my shows.

Did I miss any shows that you watch? leave me a message, I would like to know how many other shows out there are using the cancer or illness card in their story lines.

The reality of Shari Silverman is that she needs a bone marrow transplant. If you haven’t already done so, you need to register on line at www.onematch.ca or you need to come to one of the clinics that are being held at the end of this month. Please read this article from this week’s CJN paper – http://www.cjnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=17753&Itemid=86

As I approach the end of the year 5769 I have been thinking about how our lives are defined by the events that occur and what happens after those events and how it relates to our life and changes it. Think back, and if it relates to you where you were when, just to name a few:
– JFK, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King.
– Challenger blowing up in 1986, and Discovery 2003
– The Tsunami 2004, Hurricane Katrina 2005
– 9/11

For me, my event this year was my car accident – February 21st, 2009. I don’t really have memories of the year prior to that date, but so many since that date. It is amazing how in a split second in time our life is forever changed.

I spent the last six months recovering from my car accident. It is not just the six months of therapy that I just completed, which I am very grateful for. I have known people in my life who have become addicted to pain killers after an accident and thought to myself, “man, I don’t ever want to live in chronic pain in my life”. Well, my left arm is like a dull ache, pretty much all the time. Some days I can ignore it, other days I know that it is there. When the weather changes, after working out, when I spent hours and hours each day trying to make a living at my computer.

I spent the last six months learning about friendship. How serious events can either really help a friendship, or hurt it. I have had both. People have choices that they have to make as it relates them in the situation – do I stay, step up and be the friend that the person needs, or do I run and hide from the reality of the situation and bury my feelings in my own life and needs of my own. I have friends who have done both.

And most recently (in July 2009) I was faced with my own choice of “should I stay or should I go now?” A very dear friend, as most of you know, is now facing the challenge of her own life, fighting and surviving AML Leukemia. The day that she told me about her diagnosis, again, is a moment this year that I will never forget. It moved February 21, 2009 out of the front of my brain for the first time in months and let me think about something (and someone) else.

I always say, that every action has a reaction, and people need to find ways to go through life and learn from their actions and reactions. “Pay it forward” is what its called. What you can do for others and the gratification that you get from it.

A few months after my accident, I was at the drive through Tim Horton’s and paid for the order of the person behind me. I have heard of people doing that, but I never have. You know what, it feels good. For those of you who don’t know, two men actually got me out of my car before the police and EMS arrived. I don’t know who they were and never will. So, for this I say thank you and do unto others.

Offering to spend time visiting a friend in the hospital, helps the family of the loved one. So, you read your book and watch your friend sleep, just so you can be the face that they see when they wake up. That is paying it forward. Because the reality of the situation is you can’t really do a freaking thing for this person or their family other than that. Stand up, be present and be there. Don’t run away because of your own fears. Helping others actually helps you come to terms with your fears.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had so much good in my life since February 21st, 2009 as well. I took two amazing trips – to NOLA (New Orleans) in march with another dear friend, and more recently to Vegas with my parents. Both trips, ironically enough, happened shortly after the two life altering events in my life this year. Both trips helped me cope with the life changes and made me escape, if just for a few days, and laugh, smile and enjoy life.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how you can see the hopes and dreams of the future when you look at children. My two nieces amaze me every moment I am with them. In the last few weeks I have seen my 4 1/2 year old niece morph into this incredible ‘mature’ young girl, who took me to Claire’s boutique the other night to look at earings (she doesn’t have her ears pierced), braclets, necklaces, and make up. We went shopping yesterday, and she walked over the rack and pulled a top off and said, “Auntie Lisa, this is your favourite colour, you would look beautiful in this.” So many moments just blow me away. She took me to her room last night, to show me her new ‘lipstick’ – princess lip balm. And my other niece, who will be 3 in a few short weeks is mastering the art of toilet training and starting school. There is such pride in her face when she pees in the toilet and the high fives and praise she is giving from everyone around her. These are the moments I will keep close to my heart always.

So, now we move onto to our new year – the year 5770 and what lies ahead for all of us, really is a mystery. We will go and pray over the next few weeks and repent for our wrongdoings this year and then pray for us to be sealed in the book of life for the upcoming year. That probably means more to me this year than others.

Spend the next few days before Rosh Hashana thinking about the past year and what has happened in your life. Was there a life altering event, or something that happened that made you stop in your tracks and go, “hmm, I wonder what all that was about”. Were you present in your life? What lessons did you learn and how will that change what you do moving forward?

This is my new years greeting to you – Shana Tova U’Metukah – may we all rejoice with our family and friends and enjoy a healthy, happy and properous new year!