Month: July 2020

Dear Sunshine

On By thestampsinmypassportIn Uncategorized1 Comment

July 24, 2020

Hey Sunshine,

Here we are again. This is now the second trip around the sun without you. What a crazy year this has been, that is for sure. When you hear that a lot happens in the course of a year, that is very true. I was with a friend last weekend and she thought you had been in my life for about five years and was very surprised to hear that it was less than two. Crap, you have actually been gone longer than you were in my life. That sucks.

We were talking about if we had met some of the people in our lives earlier how much longer we would have been happy. But it isn’t like that. We know you meet people when you are supposed to meet them, and they come into your life for a reason and change it. I will forever be grateful that you booked to come on that cruise at the last minute. Much like meeting someone at a black jack table, I never imagined I would get lucky in life, twice.  I am counting on you to make sure that happens again. Things happen in threes so now you have a challenge.

You tell stories like I do, so let me tell you some stories of the past year. I know when you are around so I won`t tell you what I think you already know.

Last September just before your birthday I started a new job. Yeah, the job at the charity wasn’t quite the dream job you and I thought it would be. It was hard to go, but I think you would have been proud of me and my integrity. For a long time I really thought I would go back there some day, but they are in a big heap of trouble right now, so I think the sun has set on that idea.

This was back in the travel industry…yeah, I know, you don`t have to say it, I already know what you are going to say. But this was different. Out of all the travel jobs I have had in thirty years, this was something new and exciting. This was actually customizing people`s dream trips to Europe. You know, the ones we talked about, going to the Vatican in Rome, eating gelato, pasta all over Italy, tapas in Barcelona and so much more. I was finally the artist and creator of my client’s travel canvas.

It took a while to get started, but once it did, I was on fire. For the first time in such a long time, my passion came back. Right before my birthday I actually had the courage (probably a push from you) to buy myself a freaking ticket to London. Can you believe that, I am FINALLY going to London and added Dublin to go with it. Happy birthday to me! Haha, right, you know what happened just three weeks after I bought my ticket. Yes, friggin’ covid happened. Instead of ‘cheerio merry ole England’, it was the borders are closed, the airports are shut tight and you are staying home.

You know all about the past four months. For the longest time one of the hardest parts of you being gone was not talking to you, FaceTime more than anything else. If I have to thank Covid for one thing, it would be that I have connected with people on FaceTime and it has been amazing. My two nieces have been in contact with me almost daily for the whole pandemic. I feel that just like with you, it strengthened our relationship in such a way that it didn’t matter that you were thousands of miles away. For a few friendships, for the first time ever, we connected face to face, and it was great. I wondered why we never did it before. I hope it continues long after this crazy time in our lives.

Let’s not get started on your land of the free and the home of the brave. Some nights when I am watching the crazy that is going on down there I think about us probably have very loud FaceTime conversations about the crazy. It makes me miss you even more, the way your southern “Bless your heart” charm would come out more when you talked about certain topics.

Then it is quiet. The quiet is hard, and really when I think about you the most. Like your house in Wanette. I was telling a friend recently that the first night I was there I had a hard time falling asleep because of how quiet it was. I wonder how you would have fared in shut down all these months. You wouldn’t have been making that drive to OKC each day, and picking up food on your way home. You may have starved, lol, who I am kidding…you would have bought out the dollar general store if it were opened. You would have loved being at home with Abby, as most of my friends have loved the times they have had with their dogs during the pandemic.

Much like our marathon conversations I wish this could go on forever. But here we are.

I think I will end it here with words from your college mate Kristin Chenoweth:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

Because I knew you
I have been changed
For good

 

Speaking your truth

On By thestampsinmypassportIn Uncategorized3 Comments

We are having difficult conversations. We are speaking out in a way that is long overdue. Where are we? Who are we? What is your story? How did you get here or there, and how do you want your story to be told?

I remember when people heard that I left WE they were shocked. People would say, “I thought this was the perfect job for you”, or “You finally found a great place”. I would reply very politically correct saying, it is a great place, I just didn’t have the right team to work with. I never told ‘general’ public what happened during my time there.

The truth is I was bullied in the work place. I remember the day I sat in the directors office and said the word bullied. She looked at me and said, “now that you have said that you know we have to have some different conversations”. Did we? No, we didn’t.

This person was talked to, but I knew in my heart that nothing would change and inevitably it would come down to her or me leaving the org. I knew it would be me, because this person directly reported to the top.

A long time ago, a mentor of mine was describing to me about the corporate work flow and said simply, “shit only flows one way”. It doesn’t matter what it was in reference to, but more of the point about message about treatment from the top down in a company that has a problem at the top.

While texting with another former employee of the organization that I had an ‘a-ha’ moment about how I had been treated by this employee. She was treating me the way she was being treated and wanted to ensure that I received the same message. I can’t be sure of anything, nor does it matter now, but in light of what I am hearing I can speculate.  This person said that her treatment of you is hers to own and I hope she will apologize to you someday. That won’t happen, nor do I need it to. I think that this post will be that for me. I thought I had put it behind me, but like I learned in Landmark, life has blind spots. You don’t know what you don’t know.

I asked for an exit interview. Now that I look back on it, it was a joke. The HR business partner said she would take notes for future discussions, which she took none. They were not there to support me through any of the process after I said I was bullied. On top of the hour I spoke about why I was leaving, how the department was badly managed, she thanked me for my comments, wished me well and said she would have further conversations on how to improve the team moving forward.

When my final pay was incorrect the following week later I emailed the same HRBP and was quite surprised to see that her out of office said she had transitioned out of the organization and was no longer there. So much for future conversations to make change. I did hear much later on that the department did have some changes, but nothing to do with this particular staff person. She was still there, doing her own thing and everyone just stepping out of her way. I cannot tell you how many times the words, “oh well, it is just her, you know how she is” was said to me.

I took a course last fall at Seneca on Employment Law. When we got to the chapter on workplace harassment it hit me in the face, because it happened to me. The code defines harassment as “engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct that is known or out reasonably to be known to be unwelcome”. Vexatious is defined as annoying, frustrating or irritating.  Her behavior towards me was definitely annoying, frustrating and irritating.

It is funny, I shared my story about getting the job at WE and how the song Unwritten was playing as I was there to interview and the words in the song are “today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten”. All I can say is that they will need a full re-build if they plan on coming out of this time in the organization’s life.

This is a time in our lives like we have never experienced before. There are lessons to be learned every day. I wasn’t sure I would ever want to share what happened to me and how I make the choice to choose to leave a situation that I didn’t see ever getting better. In fact, leaving was my only choice, because had I stayed, I would have become even more bullied. THAT is what I have come away with over the past few weeks and the light that has been shown.

Thank you for allowing me this platform to share this with you.

Live your best life, stay safe,

Lisa