I don’t love roller coasters. The slow creaking anticipation of that first climb into the sky, and then that mid air suspension when you know that the s**t is about to go down, but you are not sure if you are going to laugh, scream, cry and maybe have an accident right there on the ride.

I think it is pretty safe to say that for the last three and a half months I have been on a never ending roller coaster loop. The highs and the lows. The creeping anticipation of going to Oklahoma City in September and the ride that was to now.  Each week is an up down ride of feelings, thoughts and memories. As much as I would love to get off this ride, I am riding in the car of life that has locked me in for the long ride.

All through this roller coaster ride was the finish line. The end of the year. The trip to Kenya.

One week I was riding the ‘going to’ Kenya coaster, the next week it was the ‘not going’ to Kenya coaster. Never really sure, much like waiting in line for the ride saying to yourself, “do I really want to do this? Why would I want to do this? Why wouldn’t I want to do this?”

I was getting good at deflecting the answer. I put down the deposit so I was good for a while. Waiting in line while I decided my fate of being a trip participant. Until last week. Deadline loomed. I was advised I had to pay by October 31st. Once I paid the ticket was 100% non refundable. Next in line. Do I get on or do I a abort the ride once and for all.

I have decided to abort this ride. I will not be going to Kenya with WE this December. It was not the right time for me. Many asked, “what would Heath say?” The truth is, it is not about him. It was supposed to be something we did together, but now doing it by myself was not something that was the right time for me.

My director asked me how I felt about the decision. The truth is, I am okay with it. Kenya was on my bucket list way before WE was in my life. It will still be there. I will be able to make a choice to go when the time is right for me.

For now Kenya will go from the top of the list, back down the list a bit. I have to make some travel plans because life isn’t meant to be lived in one place. New rides to enjoy, mountains to climb and enjoy the exhilaration of the experience.

Until then,

Live your best life,

Lisa