When I woke up on Tuesday July 24th, 2018 I could have never imagined how the day would have unfolded.

I was working from home on Tuesday  because I was helping my parents at their new condo. After that was done it was off to sleep country to buy a new bed as I had been procrastinating for…well, a long time.

When I got home I started my work day. I had sent Heath a text message at 11:42am telling him I finally bought my new bed and I hope his flight went well and to call me later that night. He didn’t reply, but I knew he was flying and then busy while he started his trip in DC. We always speak at night so that wasn’t abnormal.

When I work from home I usually have the tv on in the background, but that day I decided to keep my Ipad in my office and listen to some playlists. Again, not a normal work day.

At 1:12pm it all changed. I got an Imessage from Brad advising me that there has been an emergency Heath on the plane. He didn’t have all the details and he would get back to me. Instantly I think I already knew. I was sick with worry. I switched my play list from my upbeat music to my mellow music while I anxiously waited for the reply from Brad. If I had been at work on Tuesday I would have not seen this message until the evening. I would have come home to these messages.

I asked Brad to call me when he knew anything. But I think in my heart I already knew. I sent Heath another text, hoping that whatever had happened, he was okay and he would write back. Nothing.

Then Brad called me. He delivered the news but I think I already knew. It was similar to the old Peanuts cartoons where when the teacher talks all you hear all the muffled sounds. “The news is not good. Heath didn’t make it”. What? How is that even possible. I got off the phone with Brad and instantly started to scream. I called my mom, and couldn’t even get the words out. I called a couple of friends and they instantly dropped everything and came to my house.

These are the words that come to mind: inconsolable, unimaginable, unbelievable, mean, horrible, horrific, tragic, love, heartbroken, loss, permanent, forever, friendship, laughter, grief, missing, empty. 

For a while the three of us just sat around saying that it was wrong, that he was going to call me like he did every night and ask me why I sent him so many texts when I knew he was on a plane. That he would call me a mess when I didn’t hear back from him and thought something was wrong. That he would tell me some crazy story about someone on the plane or in the airport or the Black Suburban Uber driver that picked them up at the airport.

But no, that call never came. And it is never going to come again. For the past five days days that is the one thing that keeps haunting me. That no matter what was going on in either of our lives, we spoke every night. Every night since Tuesday I have looked at the clock at the same time of the day that the phone would ring.  We spoke three times on Monday night.

It is funny, as I am writing this post that I am thinking about something I found in my home office on Tuesday morning. It is a hand written sheet of blog post ideas. I hadn’t written in my blog(s) for a long time. I said out loud on Tuesday that I am going to start writing again. I think that those topics will go on the shelf and I will pick them up again some time in the future. I think that my blog will be dedicated for the next while to my healing. Sharing my stories of my time with Heath. Sharing the love, life friendship and what I am going to call my #HeathLessons. He had many special gifts. HAD. Another thing I will need to get used – referring to him in the past tense. He was a gift to anyone who had a chance to know him. My life is forever changed by Heath Landon.

Thank you for reading and for all the heartfelt comments on my Facebook page, private messages, calls and friendship. I have read every single message and they have helped. I will be looking for your help as I start my long and winding road towards….I don’t know…healing. I don’t know if I will ever be healed. A new normal, let’s call it that as the life I have had for the past two years will never be the same.

Heath – you knew this because I told you often – Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Live your best life,

Lisa