In July of this year, several friends of mine went to Israel. They went as part of a women’s mission group with an organization called Jewish Women’s Renaissance Project (http://www.jwrp.org/) taking back our values. I really didn’t want to go to Israel in July so I didn’t bother to apply. BUT….while they were there another trip was released for October and my friend Gayla and I decided to apply together.

If you look at the website it is all about Jewish Women, ‘girl power’, going to Israel to transform and grow and come back as ‘sisters’ and bring a stronger sense of Judaism back to the community.

“Our mission is to create a Jewish women’s movement that inspires a renaissance of positive values that transforms ourselves, our families, and our communities.”

The application said that this trip “was designed primarily for women who have children 18 and younger at home”. The organization believes that women have power in the home where it relates to religion, beliefs, etc, and that is fine, I actually agree with that. But what about someone who is currently unmarried and without children. Wouldn’t that person be a PERFECT candidate to ‘transform and grow’ and come back a stronger WOMAN in the Jewish community and ready to take on the challenge of finding a life partner and possibly having children.

That is what I thought, but not the case for the person handling my interview process. I am not going to mention names here, but this person, a Rebbitzn and someone that one would look up to in the community, ended up having no filter in her ‘personal’ beliefs and in turn, made me feel so inadequate, and an outcast in my own community by not having a spouse or children.

A very wise friend, someone I respect told me very honestly, “Lisa, it is not personal, it is the rules. If you don’t meet the criteria set forth in the trip, that is the way it is. It is not a personal attack on you, She is just teling you like it is.” That part is very true. Perhaps this person needs a lesson on filtering ones personal thoughts, but never the less. Once I was further enough away from it, I was able to see that.

But that doesn’t stop the human side of how I felt.

So, the trip is now almost over, and my friend that I was supposed to go with is on her way home now. I was following her pictures and posts on facebook with happiness for her, but envy and sadness for myself. As much as I wanted to be there with her, it was her time to transform and grow, and hopefully someday I will get the opprotunity to have the same kind of mission as well.